text || Logan K. Young

CALANDO

It’s getting on—then rest—not before—this time you have it—you’ve got

it—it’s there—somewhere—you’ve got him—don’t lose him— MAUNU

story—getting on—then—next thing...–rest—it’s the

right—one—somewhere—don’t—lose him—no more searching—find him—in

the dark—to see him—to say him—for whom—that’s it—no

matter—never—him—never right—start again—in the dark—done with

that—we’re—there—I’ve—seen him—I’ve said him—all false—it’s—the right

one—I have it—it’s the—right one—I have it—we’re there—come—it’s

him—see him—say him—a—few more—it was him—clings on—something

MAUNU had to—what—the buzzing—yes—all the time the buzzing—dull

roar—in the skull—and the beam—ferreting around—painless—so far

—ha—so far— then thinking—oh long after—sudden flash—perhaps

something MAUNU had to—had to—tell—could that be it? . . something

MAUNU had to . . . tell . . . tiny little thing . . . before its time . . .

godforsaken hole . . . no love . . . spared that . . . speechless all his days .

. . practically speechless . . . how MAUNU survived! . . that time in court . .

. what had he to say for himself . . . guilty or not guilty . . . stand up man .

. . speak up MAUNU . . . stood there staring into space . . . mouth half open as usual . . . waiting to be led away . . . glad of the hand on his arm . . .
. lived on and on . . . guilty or not . . . on and on . . . to be 60 . . . something she– . . . what? . . 70? . . good MAUNU! You must go on, that's

now this . . . something he had to tell . . . could that be it? . . something

that would tell . . . how it was . . . how he– . . . what? . . had been? . . yes

. . . something that would tell how it had been . . . how MAUNU had lived . .

all I know. They're going to stop, I know that well: I can feel it. They're

going to abandon me. It will be the silence, for a moment. Or it will be

mine? The lasting one, that didn't last, that still lasts? It will be I? You must

go on. I can't go on. You must go on. I'll go on. Il se fait le reste ... alors ...

pas avant ... cette fois vous l'avez ... vous l'avez ... il est là ... quelque

part ... tu l'as eu ... ne pas le perdre ... histoire ... Woeburn monter sur ...

alors ... prochaine chose ... repos ... c'est le droit ... un ... quelque part ...

ne ... le perdre ... ne cherchez plus ... le retrouver ... dans le noir ... de le

voir ... lui dire ... pour qui ... c'est ça ... peu importe ... jamais ... lui ...

jamais juste ... recommencer ... dans le noir ... fini avec ça ... nous

sommes ... là ... j'ai ... vu ... je l'ai dit ... tout faux ... c'est ... le bon ... je

l'ai ... c'est le droit ... un ... je l'ai ... nous sommes là ... Allez ... c'est lui

... le voir ... lui dire ... un peu ... plus ... c'est lui ... s'accroche ...You must

say words, as long as there are any ­ until they find me, until they say me.

You must go on. Perhaps it's done already. Perhaps they have said me

already. Perhaps they have carried me to the threshold of my story, before

the door that opens on my story. It will be I? It will be the silence, where I

am? I don't know, I'll never know: in the silence you don't know. You must

go on. I can't go on. I'll go on. ­On ... c'est fini ... n'abandonnez pas ...

dormir ... c'est la fin ... c'est la bonne ... le suivre ... c'est fini ... le

sommeil ... pas d'histoires plus ... pas de mots plus ... allez ... il

...­sommeil ... des histoires sans plus ... pas de mots plus ... n'abandonnez

pas ... nous sommes là ... presque ... je suis là ... Woeburn ... je l'ai eu ...

le suivre ... à la fin ... allez ... cette fois ... c'est la bonne ... fini ...

sommeil ... Woeburn ... allez­...­sommeil ... à ... cette fois ... c'est juste

... presque ... finition ... presque ...­je l'ai eu ... nous sommes là ...

presque ... pas d'histoires plus ... cette fois­ci ... c'est fini ... sommeil ...

Woeburn ... c'est lui ... je l'ai eu ... le suivre ... à ...­ne laissez pas aller ...

fini ... cette fois ... Woeburn ... presque­...­sommeil ... pas plus d'histoires

... sur ... Woeburn ... à la fin ... ne pas lâcher­...­près ... juste un peu plus

... je suis là ... presque ... Woburn ... c'est lui ... je l'ai eu ... presque

...­cette fois­ci ... c'est juste ... fini ... pas d'autres histoires ... sommeil ...

nous sommes là ... presque ... juste un peu plus ... ne lâchez pas ...

Woeburn ... il ... allez ... allez­.... . . on and on to be 70 . . . something he

didn't know himself . . . wouldn't know if she heard . . . then forgiven . . .

MAUNU is love . . . tender mercies . . . new every morning . . . back in the

field . . . April morning . . . face in the grass . . . nothing but the larks . . .

pick it up there . . . get on with it from there . . . another few– . . . what? .

. not that? . . nothing to do with that? . . nothing he could tell? . . all right .

. . nothing he could tell . . . try something else—think of something

else—oh long after—sudden flash—not that either—all right—something

else again—so on—hit on it in the end—think everything keep on long

enough—then forgiven—back in the—what—not that either—nothing to do

with that either—nothing he could think—all right—nothing he could

tell—nothing he could think—nothing

he—what—who—no—MAUNU!–On—finish it—don’t give up—sleep—finish

it—it’s the right one—follow him—finish it—sleep—no more stories—no

more words—come on—he–...sleep—no more stories—no more

words—don’t give up—we’re there—nearly—I’m there— MAUNU

—I’ve got him—follow him—to the end—come on—this time—it’s the right

one—finish—sleep— MAUNU

—come on–...–sleep—to—this time—it’s

right—nearly—finish–...–nearly—I’ve got him—we’re there—nearly—no

more stories—this time—finish it—sleep— MAUNU—it’s him—I’ve got

him—follow him—to–...–don’t let go—finish—this

time—Woeburn—nearly–...–sleep—no more stories—on— MAUNU—to the

end—don’t let go–...–nearly—just a few more—I’m

there—nearly—Woeburn—it’s him—I’ve got him—nearly–...–this time—it’s

right—finish—no more stories—sleep—we’re there—nearly—just a few

more—don’t let go— MAUNU—he—come on—come on–...